Back At It

On my own assessment, I've got a pretty decent brave face - I don't think the nausea inducing anxiety shows.  Jonah's not worried at all, and as he was wheeled into the MRI was telling the team how much he loves MRIs. I think it's the sleepy medicine that he loves, but it's all the same to him.

It's easiest to hid the teary eyes by turning the worry into love and pouring it all out.

It's that time again - another surveillance MRI.  They're every 4 months now, so they're spacing out a bit.  I haven't obsessed over this one, nor been very vocal about it because I'm tired of the rollercoaster and expect everyone else is as well.  I just want to go about living our normal life, concerned about our normal life kind of things - I don't want to do this anymore.

This far out from treatment, it's actually easy to be lulled into assuming that everything is going to be fine because it was fine last time.  Because he's doing so well.  Because I can't stand for the results to be anything other than fine.  And then I remember the scare we had in April.  But surely if we've already had our scare we'll be in the clear right?

The impact of Jonah's cancer treatment is in-your-face obvious everyday with the walker, hearing aides, facial palsy, etc, etc.  It makes it easy after this amount of time to accept this as the new normal and only look forward.  It's easy to forget that he's not out of the woods yet.  The first 2 years out of treatment (that will be May 2018 for us) is the period of time mostly likely for recurrence, but there are 5 year survival stats for a reason.  The fear of recurrence is always there.  Then of course, there's the risk of secondary cancers. It's a cruel irony, that the treatment to cure the original cancer puts Jonah at decent risk for a number of secondary cancers that usually present after the 5 year mark.  He will never really be out of the woods.

We will see the team tomorrow for follow up and go from there.  For now there is nothing to do but breath.  Nothing but to trust that the God who showed up in the midst of the storm is also present on this cloudy day in our story.  All of my worry won't change the MRI results - good or bad and so for today I'm back to focusing on breathing.

Hawaii Reboot

 Hawaii is so much like paradise that it breeds extra love among siblings.

Blue Lemonade - it was an eye-opening experience

One morning Noah and I got up and went for a walk.  He's not sure why people go for walks unless they're going somewhere, but was happy with the chance to throw stones into the ocean at the end of our walk.

Just a little reminder of how small the world is.  We ran into Dr. Dobkin, who is the pediatrician who found Jonah's brain tumor.  He has become very dear to us over the past few years as he proved time and time again that his heart is all in to the care of his patients.  Luckily we didn't need any of his services while on vacation, just a nice visit.

Hawaii wouldn't be complete without surfing.

 Jonah and Julia didn't love surfing as much this year, but it was still good for them to get out on the water and give it a try.

 More blue lemonade

 Shave ice is the stuff of Anna's dreams!

 Whale watching.  These are the same whales that we saw in Alaska this summer, migrating to Hawaii for  mating & giving birth.  We choose to believe that these are the exact whales we saw this summer coming to say hello again - made it a little bit more fun.

 When we were on Maui for our honeymoon, we woke up at the before crack of dawn to drive to the top of Haleakala for the sunrise and then a big bike ride down.  That clearly wasn't going to happen this time, so we went up for sunset instead.  It was windy and cold, but memorable.

 Noah & Julia wanted to make puka shell necklaces.  They were less sure about modeling them after they were done.

 Jonah apparently was dressing down his cherry walnut sorbet at dinner one night.  I'm still not sure what it did wrong to deserve such attention.

Everyone went snorkeling this year.  At first Jonah wasn't sold on it, but eventually came around and everyone got to explore under the water.  We even got to swim with a turtle one of the days we went out.

 Pineapple farm tour - it was really cool so see so many pineapple growing in the same spot.  We also got to try fresh pineapple off the plant in a field overlooking the ocean - winning!

 If I was a pineapple, this view would certainly encourage me to grow!

More sibling love - why walk when your brother will carry you?

 Virgin Pina Colada?  Yes please!
 

Shaka - the Hawaiian life suits us and if we could figure out how to stay, maybe we would...


The first time we had planned to go to Hawaii as a family was for my 40th birthday.  Instead, we spent that time in patient at RIC towards the end of Jonah's treatment.  The next time we planned to go to Hawaii, my dad was diagnosed with cancer a few days before we were meant to leave.  We decided to go anyway as my dad was certain nothing would happen in the week we were gone.  He was wrong, things went terribly wrong and I left Hawaii early and was still not able to see him before he died.  Our time in Hawaii a mix of wonderful and hard.  Third time is a charm, and we were back at it for New Years this year.  I am happy to report that this year was sunshine, surfing, snorkeling, whales, pineapples, swimming, laughter, beauty gazing at God's marvelous creation and so much fun.  Our greatest "tragedy" was a splinter.

This trip was everything you hope for from a trip to Hawaii and we are so thankful to have finally had a non-eventful visit.  We loved it so much that Anna and I thought about ways we could stay.  Simon was pretty sure that Groupon wouldn't let him telecommute though so we eventually had to come back.  We will be tucking these special memories away though and holding on until next time.