The Wall

Shortly after moving into our new house a few years ago, I came up with what I thought was an inspired idea.  We have this long wall in our hallway upstairs, and I was going to use it to hang the kids school pictures.  We started with each of their 2s class pictures in a column and added the years to each child specific row. How fun to watch the kids grow and easily compare how they look both similar and different at the same ages.

Since Jonah's diagnosis, this wall has been the source of often ignored anxiety and grief.  When I came up with this idea, I'd already pictured the end - Julia graduated high school and 4 rows of 16 smiling faces through the years.  How full of life, beautiful memories captured in a moment, evident growth and change.  The thought that one of those rows could be altered, or ended, didn't even cross my mind.  And now, in the season of 2015-16 school pictures coming home, I wonder.  What do I do with this wall?  Jonah doesn't have a school picture this year, that much we know for sure, beyond that are only questions.  How do I keep this wall going if one of the rows ends?  How do I honor and celebrate the continuing rows and not foster sadness?  Are we prepared to frame this season and the obvious effects it has had on one of the rows?

I really don't know what to do with the wall yet.  I guess that makes sense as Jonah's story is not yet complete.  For this year though, our friend, and photographer, Emily Hernandez meet us where we're at and turned the ordinary and the sterile, the hard and changed into captured moments of beauty that shine through.  She captured the grace and gift of today.  We will frame this season as it is in the fabric of our family's story.  Jonah will look different this year, but Jonah is Jonah and we will celebrate that, just as we celebrate all of the other kids becoming themselves.  As for the wall, I will try and put the worry of the wall away until next year when there is another frame waiting to be answered, in the meantime, I will soak in the beauty of now.

Jonah took this picture.  On the right is "Cowie", Jonah's ever present lovie and companion since birth.  On the left is "Fat Cowie" who was bought at the same time as "Cowie", to have "just in case". Somehow in this season, "Fat Cowie" has made his way to Jonah.  Although he does not replace "Cowie", there is great delight in seeing them together
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At RIC there is a therapy dog, Georgia.  When Jonah's counts are good he is allowed to touch and play with Georgia.  When his counts are low, he is only allowed to look at and talk to Georgia.  If you know Jonah and his love for dogs, you can imagine how he feels about this.  Here he is holding his "Georgia" who he can play with no matter his counts.