Holmes and Rahe

All About Jonah - student of the week.  Things that were true about Jonah before and now - he wants to be a veterinarian when he grows up (although it often still comes out as vegetarian as the words are confusing to him), he loves trains and fire stations and he loves his family.

Little Noah, with Martellus Bennett, when he was playing for the Bears.  He was doing an event to promote literacy in children.  Now that Martellus plays for the Pats and won the Super Bowl, this is one of Noah's prized pictures.

Hanging out - mummy is recovering from the stomach bug and Jonah is recovering from a failed dairy challenge.

The Holmes and Rahe Stress Inventory was developed in 1967 as a way to determine the likelihood of suffering a stress induced health breakdown.  They have a list of 43 life events and you mark off which events have occurred in the last 12 months.  The higher your score, the higher your stress level.  Richard Lazarus define stress as "a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that "demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize".  In less formal terms - stressed is what we feel when "things are out of control".

I don't think the Holmes and Rahe inventory is meant for parents.  There's nothing on there for the stress that comes with having a chronically ill child.  I'm not sure the  inventory is meant for adult children caring for their parents and grandparents.  There are a lot of things captured in that list of 43 life events, but life is bigger than 43.

Mom is now settled into her nursing home.  She seems reasonably happy, and reasonably unaware of the fact she is not at home.  Grandma is transitioning from rehab into a lovely assisted living facility next week.  Mom's house is on it's way to being listed.  Grandma's stuff has been packed and moved. We are preparing to have dad's remains interned in a VA cemetery in Colorado over spring break.  All of this has been the responsibility of me and my brother (and our supportive spouses).  Through various circumstances, no other family has been involved in these transitions.  I know that this much family stress can break or build, and I am incredibly grateful that between me and my brother - it builds.  As our family circle shrinks smaller and smaller, we lean into each other.

As all of that swirls in to place in Colorado, Jonah had his dairy challenge this week to try and help us understand his weird dairy allergy.  To say the challenge didn't go well would be accurate.  They started with 5 ml of milk, which immediately made him complain of being itchy.  We decided to push through, and on the 5th of 6 samples Jonah puked his guts out (to put it mildly) and broke out in hives.  That was not the result we were hoping for, but at least it was definitive.  There isn't much information out there about food allergies after cancer treatment, so no one's totally sure what to expect, but for now we know that Jonah can't have most "raw" dairy (baked into foods is ok), but tolerates butter & yogurt and therefore needs to eat them at least 3 times/week to make sure they don't become a problem as well.

Through this all though, as things are out of control, I don't feel out of control.  I don't feel stress in the way Lazarus defines.  I think this is because I am surrounded by an amazing community that supports, encourages and prays.  I think it's because I believe God lights the path one step at a time, who meets me along the way.  Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to days of less drama, but even in all of this - today is a gift, the friends and family in my life are gifts, the faith that allows me to hope is a gift.  With gifts comes gratitude, and so I cling to celebrating my gifts and being grateful, because it feels much better than being stressed.