Collection

Next time you see Jonah, he'll have a new accessory.  That's right, he's getting glasses!  Apparently he's got pretty bad vision in his right eye, which they suspect has been that way since birth.  It seems that although most of his friends collect things like Pokemon cards, matchbox cars and erasers, Jonah collects medical specialists.  With his diagnosis you would of course expect him to have a neuro-oncologist and neurosurgeon, which he has.  Because of the posterior fossa syndrome, he's got a rehab doctor.  As a result of the early complications he experienced, he's also got a team of PICU doctors and neuro critical care doctors who follow his progress.  Doctors in his collection who treat issues apparently unrelated to the tumor - ophthalmology (glasses), urology (kidney stone), GI (eosinophilic esophagitis) and an allergist (anaphylactic allergies).

Jonah has a lot of doctors.  It feels overwhelming to require so many people to help care for your child.  It feels a little unfair for a 4 year old to have 9 specialties that follow his medical progress.  I want to stop there, sit in that thought and wallow a bit, but it's not helpful and it doesn't change anything.

When Jonah was born, we were part of a Christian co-op preschool in Reading, MA.  One day, shortly after he was born, one of the moms that I hardly knew called me.  She said that although it didn't happen often, she occasionally received a message or vision from God to share.  She went on to tell me that Jonah was a very special baby and would accomplish great things.  It was an uncomfortable conversation for me, so I punted by saying something generic like, "All children are a gift from God and we're so thankful for our family".  I honestly don't remember exactly what I said, I was just trying to get off the phone.  The mom took my punt and redirected to again say that Jonah would do something special in this world before allowing me to end the conversation.

With our 9 specialties following Jonah now, I think back to that conversation and I wonder.  Was this what she meant?  Does Jonah hold the key to some special medical breakthrough? Will his story touch lives and challenge others to really know God?  Will his story challenge just me to really know God?

At a time when my questions come faster than answers, and I want to wallow, I again turn to music to speak the truth of God's sufficiently.  Even in this, God gives me the strength to breath.  I can't plan next week, but I can breath and take the next step and know that there is a still small voice to be heard if I can just trust enough to listen....

                                            "Need You Now (How Many Times)"
                                                                     (Artist: Plumb)

Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now