Pain and Promise

Jonah's latest blanket trick - this is all his own idea and he smirks when you take the blanket off his head.

 Julia gearing up for her first day of school - such a big girl!

 And she's made it - that 2's class isn't going to know what hit it!

Julia and Josh, ready to conquer the class and then the world!

One of our worship leaders at Willow, Brandon Grissom, has a kickstarter campaign to produce a new album, Pain and Promise (https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/171185871/brandon-grissom-new-album-pain-and-promise).  I only know Brandon as "the guy on the stage", so I don't have any insight into the album, but the title has resonated deeply with me.  Life is full of pain, and life is full of promise.  God has not promised a life without pain, in fact, pain is basically a guarantee.  God has promised however, to not leave or forsake us and God has promised us eternity.  The pain can make the promise hard to see or remember, but it does not dull the brilliance of it.  Never before has the idea of living with the pain and promise held so closely together been more real to me than now.

Julia started preschool this week.  I allowed myself to be so excited for her and focused on her experience that I managed to block out the hole of Jonah not going back, until we got to the parking lot.  This daily life is a minefield of "what is versus what should be".  Jonah should have been back to school to be with his friends, energetically reveling in pre-k delight, but in reality he's in a rehab hospital relearning how to sit, stand and chew while waiting for his next round of chemo.  Pain is real.  Promise is real too though as I was washed with joy watching Julia fall right into the rhythm, delighted at being a big enough girl to finally be at school.  It's an added bonus for her that her "boyfriend", Josh, is also attending the same preschool this year.  The heartwarming joy of watching these two together is a blessing unto itself.

Jonah is doing well.  He's tearing up the therapy circuit here - practicing sitting, rolling over, knocking towers down, standing and taking 2-3 assisted steps, laughing, smiling, riding an adaptive bike, drinking juice and eating pudding and Cheetos.  Never before have I been so excited to see one of my children eat junk food!  We see so much promise in the progress that he's making, but it too is balanced with the pain of being in this situation.

Jonah is heading back to Lurie tomorrow.  This is a planned visit and we're happy to not be going back in crisis.  He will have his stem cell harvest Thursday & Friday.  These stem cells will be frozen and stored, to be used after his 6th cycle of chemo, which is such a mega dose that he will need his stem cells to "rescue" his blood counts.  At least that's the plan for now.  After the harvest is complete, Jonah will start his 2nd cycle of chemo, so we'll be a Lurie for about 2 weeks.  After that, we'll be on to RIC (part 3), with fervent prayers that as his blood counts fall he is spared at least from another septic incident if not from neutropenic fever entirely so that he can continue his great therapeutic strides.  Pain and Promise, Promise and Pain - this is the cycle that we live.